TONIA A. OATES

      1996 Recipient

At the time Tonia received the award, she was a receptionist at the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Outpatient Clinic of Children’s Hospital and a nursing student at Erie Community College.  After graduating with honors, Tonia passed her registered nurse boards.  On August 29, 2000, she will take new position—that of registered nurse in the New Baby Clinic.  Her own words best describe why she was chosen as the recipient of this scholarship.

On June 9, 1994, my life took on a severe and drastic change, one that transformed youth and innocence to an accelerated adulthood filled with the cruel realities of my community.

On that dark day, I believe God spared my life for my own sanity and for me to discover the remarkable strength that I have within myself.  I have a battle to win as a single parent and a war to conquer in raising an African-American male child in a world where the odds are against him.  I refuse to allow my community to cash in on the belief that there is no way out of the violence and misfortune of my situation.  

On this particular day, I found the man I loved and the father of my then thirteen-month old son murdered in our home. I don't think anyone, with the exception of others in my situation, can understand the pain and emptiness felt when a loved one is suddenly and violently removed from your life. Fortunately for me, I am surrounded by a host of supportive and loving family and friends. My primary source of strength and motivation lies within my son's smile and laughter, his hugs and kisses and the way he looks at me when he says, "I love you, Mommy."

More importantly, I have to be both parents for my son and both role models as well.  I have to instill within him values and responsibilities to self and community, that despite all the obstacles, hardships and misfortunes life offers, he must rise above it all and use it as just an experience to strengthen himself.  Through my experience, he will know that any goal he sets for himself is obtainable and is his for the taking; that the mere principles of giving up and giving in is not acceptable.

There are no words to describe the pain of love lost, but it is what you do after the fact that enables you to move in the right direction.  You can either become consumed in it, or use it to strengthen and encourage oneself, family and community; I have elected the latter.